


nothing's gonna hurt me (with my eyes shut)

by hcdalcxa



Series: Imagines [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, F/F, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, okay so this is kind of messed up and i apologize
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2015-11-16
Packaged: 2018-05-01 23:22:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5225015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hcdalcxa/pseuds/hcdalcxa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Had she been paying more attention to the world around her, she might’ve been able to save a girl's life upon noticing the NO TRESPASSING sign hung carefully against the fence.</p>
<p>OR.</p>
<p>the "imagine your otp holding hands romantically for the first time" prompt that no one asked for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	nothing's gonna hurt me (with my eyes shut)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so first off, the title is from Eyes Shut - Years & Years. Good song, I suggest it. Secondly, no beta so any mistakes are mine and mine alone. I'm sure there are plenty, but I'll check at a later time to try to correct whatever I can. Third, I apologize for this fic, I really do. It was meant to be much more light-hearted than what it became so lmao.

Clarke and Lexa had known from their very first meeting that it was meant to be.

Mutual friends had initially introduced them, at least in name. Well, rather, a friend of a friend. Or in Lexa's case, a friend of a sister.

It had been a long time coming, honestly. They'd heard about each other for months beforehand, but the stars had been against them, it seemed.

It was only during the first semester of their freshman year that the two girls finally met. And not in the way anyone had expected them to.

Art Appreciation. A 9 am. A completely obscure elective that had to be taken in order to get credits. Neither wanted to be there. Or at least, not at first.

Clarke was the first to notice the ridiculously attractive brunette who sat in the back row, against the wall. Sitting against the wall did not mean that this girl was a slacker, however. Clarke quickly found out that she was anything but. She did her readings, answered questions, and was the first to finish quizzes. She was also usually the first out the door (this left Clarke feeling oddly dissatisfied for some reason, though she could never explain why).

It wasn't until Professor Hehn had asked the class to form groups of two to three participants for a special project that the brunette ever seemed to notice Clarke back.

As the class began forming small groups, it looked as though while the brunette had been too caught up in her schoolwork to make friends in the class, Clarke herself had been too caught up in this mysterious girl to make friends either. Which meant that within mere seconds, there were only a few options left.

Alexandria - Clarke had definitely not learned her name by paying specific attention to the sweet voice during roll call the first two weeks, and she had definitely, definitely not gone home immediately to type the name into Facebook and semi-stalk the woman online, only to have found absolutely nothing on Alexandria Woods - didn't seem too pleased with any of the choices left, but as Clarke approached her somewhat awkwardly, Alexandria’s gaze of dissatisfaction melted away into something much more minimal - a perfectly calculated poker face. Clarke was sure she'd had what could only be years of practice, coming from how flawless it was.

“Hi,” the blonde murmured, trying for cheerful-but-not-too-cheerful-as-to-seem-creepy.

“Hello,” Alexandria replied, obviously uninterested. Her eyes remained downcast, though her posture screamed strict and uncomfortable.

“You're not working with anyone on the project, are you?”

Perfect green eyes rolled up from the paper they had previously been studied on, and grazed up and down the blonde’s body as her lips tightened in what Clarke could only describe as slight irritation.

“No, I do not have a partner. And unless you're going to help me get the 102% that I need on this project, I think you'll have to continue looking.”

“102?” Clarke swallowed, her fingers clutching at themselves as she began to reconsider. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. But looking around, Clarke quickly saw her options disappearing. Even the other loners had partnered up. Noticing this, she felt dread seeping through her lungs. But she swallowed it down. This Alexandria was her only chance. “I can do that.”

The brunette’s eyebrows quirked unintelligibly. She stared Clarke down for a moment before breaking the trance with a small, sullen nod. Immediately, Clarke felt victorious.

Alexandria didn't extend her hand, but she did offer a greeting. “I'm Lexa.”

Clarke didn't take the hint. She reached her own hand out, her voice ringing loud and strong after her triumph while a bright, goofy smile threatened to break out over her lips. “I'm Clarke, Clarke Griffin.”

Lexa's head tilted to the side at this as she ignored the arm outstretched towards her. “Bellamy Blake’s Clarke Griffin?”

Clarke’s sapphire eyes seemed to light up at this.

“You know Bell?”

Lexa's lips tilted up imperceptibly. “My sister does. I'm sure you've heard of her. Anya Woods.”

“You've got to be fucking kidding me.”

***

After that first day in class, Lexa and Clarke quickly became inseparable. Clarke had worked her butt off to get the 100% on the project, and the girls had managed to swipe the two bonus points as well. Though, if Lexa was terribly impressed by this, she didn't say.

The two found out quickly that they both lived in the same building, mere floors apart. Clarke often took the elevator to her fifth floor dorm room, while Lexa climbed the stairs to her home on the third floor. It was a convenient placement, however, as two flights were hardly an obstacle for either.

Though the project had been turned in, the days passed and Lexa and Clarke continued to grow more and more entwined in each other's lives. Bellamy adopted Lexa as another one of his little sisters, while Octavia and Raven fell practically head over heels. Lexa was the only one who could keep up mathematical and scientific talk with Raven which earned her extra points. Anya, though almost even more stoic than her younger counterpart, obviously loved the group as well. In fact, about two months after they'd all begun hanging out, it was she who suggested they head to a party together.

***

They had all started out drink for drink, and within minutes, it became clear of who could hold their liquor and who could not. By the time an hour had elapsed, the five girls and Bellamy had all turned up to varying degrees.

Raven, a bit of an angry drunk, had stumbled into a heated debate with Anya, who didn't seem at all phased by the alcohol she had consumed. A sloppy but ecstatic Octavia had made herself a home on the dance floor, having become attached at the hip to Lincoln, a cousin of the Woods girls. Bellamy had been chatting up a couple of girls but had finally been roped into a very long, very interesting conversation with one of Anya’s best friends who went by the name of Echo. Lexa sat on the couch, eyelids heavy but otherwise poised for having done six shots. And Clarke? Clarke was just happy to be alive.

The blonde was in no way sloppy. When she felt her stomach rolling, she'd quietly excused herself and made her way to a bathroom. When she was done, she flushed, washed her hands and face, borrowed a bit of toothpaste and used her finger to scrub clean - or rather, clean enough. She then made her way back out into the crowd, searching for the one face she couldn't seem to get out of her head.

Clarke worked her way slowly but surely over to the couch where her favorite brunette sat. Green eyes found her in the red, glowing light. “How are you feeling?” She asked politely, the naturally quiet girl struggling to get the words out over the heavy beat of the music.

“Much better,” Clarke replied enthusiastically. She lowered herself as close to Lexa as she could without being practically sat on her lap, before her fingers landed comfortably on the denim-clad thigh. “Listen, Lex. I've been meaning to talk to you about this for a while.” Clarke had stopped at four shots, knowing that her role in the group was the Mother Hen. She knew that she had to get Raven and Octavia home that night, so she was for the most part, at least still making sense.

“I know you've seen the way I look at you. I know you know.”

Lexa swallowed, barely visible in the dim light. “Know what?” She asked, playing dumb in spite of the growing tension she could feel not only between herself and the girl beside her, but deep within her own body as well.

“Know that I…” The blonde licked her lips while her eyes drifted to Lexa’s own, imagining what they must taste like after a night of hard liquor. “That I…”

Neither could tell who began it, but once the kiss had started, it was hard to stop. To them, it felt gentle and slow, but as they drunkenly fumbled over each other's lips, Lexa wondered what it must look like to an outsider, an outsider who didn't know what tasting Clarke for the first time was like. Who didn't know how she smelled or what sounds she made when you flicked your tongue out in the right place or pulled on her bottom lip in the right way. So their opinion simply didn't matter.

When they did finally pull away, Clarke’s eyes immediately fell to her lap, but her smile was bright and immediate. She fiddled with her fingers, not noticing a similar beam playing on Lexa's features. Had she been looking, however, her heart would've flip flopped. Lexa rarely smiled, and now she was smiling for her.

“I've wanted to do that since I first met you,” Clarke admitted shyly, her cheeks glowing pink - or even, just glowing, really.

“Me too.” Lexa's voice was hoarse, but she couldn't help it. She was lucky she could speak at all. Two months of waiting and she'd finally gotten her wish.

“And I know you're not like...a relationship kind of person, but I really do like you, Lexa. Like a lot.”

Lexa wasn't normally a very vocal person, and this case was no different. But as the brunette seemed to absorb the words, Clarke couldn't help but be much more nervous about it this time around.

Lexa's answer came with cold, strong fingers that pulled Clarke's chin around. Her eyes latched onto the blue that had grown quite dark. “I care about you very much, Clarke. I knew from the day you vowed to get me a 102%.” This time, it was discernible who leaned in first. It was Lexa, strong, stoic Lexa who cared for her sister and herself more than she cared for all of the other things in the world combined. Lexa who had so much love to give, but guarded it closely because so much love to lose. Lexa whose chaste kiss was more sweet and tender than anything Clarke had ever experienced.

“So this is it?” Clarke wondered aloud when it finally ended.

Lexa smiled again, her eyes holding a certain light that Clarke had only previously seen glimpses of.

“Yes, Clarke. This is it.”

***

And that was it. The party continued on around them and they continued enjoying each other’s presence until Anya showed up in front of them, toting a stumbling mess of a girl. “I believe this one is yours, Griffin,” the tall blonde muttered dispassionately.

Clarke cursed, pushing herself up to pull Octavia's other arm around her neck. The giggly brunette crowed with delight and licked her lips before trying to smack a kiss on Clarke's cheek. “C’mon O, let's get you home.”

Anya didn't offer to help, but she didn't release Octavia’s other side as they headed for the door. “We’ll be back,” she explained to Raven and Lexa. Bellamy was nowhere to be seen.

***

As soon as Octavia was tucked in, laid on her side with a trash can propped by her head -- just in case, Clarke had insisted -- the two more sober females decided it was time to head back to the party and grab the other guests.

Clarke had always thought of Anya as a dark and ominous presence, just in the way she had presented herself. The blonde would never think to have seen Anya as such a caring figure, but it was obvious in the way she looked after her friends and family that she loved them dearly. This put Clarke at relative ease - she knew that the Woods sisters were alike in many ways, and she could only assume that this was another one of them.

To cut time short, the two decided to fence hop a few backyards, as both were tired and ultimately just yearned for their beds.

“Lexa likes you a lot, you know. It’s hard for her to admit it, but she does,” Anya grunted nonchalantly, landing nimbly on the other side of the wooden fence while Clarke wobbled at the top.

This took Clarke aback. Obviously after the kiss the two girls had shared, she knew how Lexa had felt. But who else did? What exactly had Lexa said to her sister. “How do you know?”

Anya snorted at this, beginning to pace towards the next fence. It was only about as high as her hip so she could easily get a running jump. “She thinks she’s subtle,” she called over her shoulder, the smile evident in her voice. Clarke followed closely.

“Well I had no idea.” Not before tonight.

“Then you must be more stupid than I thought.” If Clarke had been paying more attention to the world around her than to the delicious churning of her stomach, she might’ve noticed the way the moonlight glinted off of something solid in the near distance. She might’ve noticed the shallow sound of metal against metal as a gun cocked. She might’ve noticed the rifle pointed directly at her friend. But it wasn’t until a shot rang out and a blood curdling shriek ripped through the air that she registered what was going on.

Had she been paying more attention to the world around her, she might’ve been able to save Anya’s life upon noticing the NO TRESPASSING sign hung carefully against the fence.

***

Two hours later, Clarke was sat uncomfortably in the scratchy hospital waiting room chair. Her left hand had fallen asleep long ago, clutched tightly in the cold, clammy hand of Alexandria Woods. It was a position that had not changed since Lexa had arrived.

No visitors, the nurse had said. Not until she’s stabilized. But Clarke had grown up in hospitals - she knew what the glint in the nurse’s eyes meant. Things were not looking bright.

When Clarke had phoned Bellamy, the only one she could count on to make this whole mess go away, she had been in tears. They had eventually dried off her cheeks, but still stood in her eyes. Lexa, however, Lexa had not cried at all. Had Clarke not spent the last two months translating the tiniest changes in her face into meanings, she would have to wonder if Lexa was phased by this at all. But the way her eyebrows tilted, mixed with the slight part of her lips and the strict posture gave Clarke all the tell-tale signs that she needed. Lexa was in distress; she was heartbroken. And Clarke couldn’t do a single thing about it. Never had Clarke felt so terribly helpless.

Until three days later.

Clarke had always admired the way she looked in black, but today? Today would change the way she viewed the color for the rest of her life. It was the same dress she had worn the day her mother lost her father. She had wanted to burn it long ago - she could still smell the scent of death that lingered on it - but it didn’t seem right. Anything that reminded her of her father had to stay in tact for her own sake. And now it had reappeared. It seemed right.

As the slip of fabric settled over her body, she tip-toed over to her bathroom, gently knocking against the door. Ever since the accident, Lexa had not spent a night in her own home. The first night, she didn’t sleep. The second night, she took a fitful nap on the couch of the fifth floor lounge only to rouse and find herself unable to fall back asleep. The third, she curled against Clarke on the thin, hard mattress while Octavia stared at the wall on the other side of the room.

Now, she sat in the bathroom, and though Clarke knew that the brunette needed time to herself, she wondered if she should offer some company. Because as much as Clarke hated to admit it - she needed to be strong for her friends right now - she needed someone, too.

“Lex?” She questioned, rapping lightly one more time. With no answer, Clarke debated on leaving her and asking to use the neighbor’s mirror to brush her hair out and apply some concealer to her under eyes to mask the ugly dark circles that had grown, but she couldn’t not check up on Lexa. They were to leave in ten minutes, and Clarke knew Lexa. She knew the girl would never forgive herself if she were late to her own sister’s funeral.

She turned the knob slowly and pushed in, her eyes doing a quick scan of the white bathroom. She noticed the gangly ball of black propped against the wall, wild brown hair free of her usual braids flowing over her shoulders and down her back. She didn’t look up when Clarke entered; she didn’t move at all.

Clarke stepped further into the room, allowing herself to drop to Lexa’s side. With a tentative hand, she stroked down the mess of brown hair once, twice, and a third time, before settling into a slow, and hopefully soothing routine. She didn’t say anything, though. She knew better.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” came a near moan from the small girl. Clarke could feel her own heart breaking at the sound. “We were supposed to be there for each other. I wasn’t there, and now neither is she.”

“It’s not your fault, Lexa. None of us could’ve stopped it.” Lie. But blaming herself was not going to help Lexa now.

“I should’ve been there.” The answer was resolute. There was no way she wasn’t going to take the blame for this, that much was obvious in her voice.

“You didn’t know.”

“We were supposed to be there for each other until the end of the world.” Clarke couldn’t help but noticed how lonely Lexa sounded. The blonde hesitated, but knew she had to offer some assistance, no matter how inferior it would be to Anya.

“I’m here, you know. If you want it.” There was a prolonged pause, complete silence. And had Clarke not been watching like a hawk, she would not have noticed the single, minute nod that Lexa gave.

Clarke sighed, checking the watch that had been secured to her wrist for almost two years now - terrible condition, terribly sentimental. “Alright, we have to go or we’ll be late.”

***

As Lexa sat down after her very short, very concise, but very impactful speech, she reached involuntarily for Clarke’s left hand. And if Clarke had been paying more attention to the world around her than to the disgusting churning of her stomach, she might’ve noticed the irony of the position that Lexa settled into next to her.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I've been trying to churn something out since late October and this is all I got so whoops. Hope you enjoyed it though!
> 
> Send me prompts at [ jinglehedas](http://jinglehedas.tumblr.com) for the holidays!


End file.
